i was reading about how some people are planning to recognize september 11 and i started thinking about what significance it will have for me. i'm not really sure. i didn't like the way people acted after it happened, and so i won't be surprised if the way they act on the anniversary bothers me, also. to me the important thing about the september 11 attacks are that they took away some of the magic from my life, and that affects me every day. i don't get to wait until the anniversary to remember it.
i was thinking about why the death of many might be more tragic to me than the death of a few, and i don't think there is any reason. the people who died didn't do anything to deserve to die, but for the most part they didn't do anything to deserve to be called heroes, either. my concern is for the attack on our freedoms, and as far as i am concerned, those have continued since september 11. if we are going to start commemorating anniversaries we are going to have a busy year.
Posted by ash at 10:23 AMdavid sedaris makes me laugh. he makes me laugh on npr, he makes me laugh in person, and his books make me laugh. his sister amy made me laugh on strangers with candy. and his brother rooster is a redneck like mine. this month in esquire, david tells a story that makes me almost glad i wasn't at my brother's wedding, because like him, i am a person who is forever in pursuit of *moments* with people i love. something equally tragic could have happened to me.
AT 1:00 A.M., the room rental ended and plans were made to move the reception on to the beach. Kathy changed out of her gown while Paul and I took the dogs for a quick walk across the front lawn of the Atlantis. For the first time since the wedding, we were alone, and I wanted to force a moment out of it. The operative word here, the source of the problem, is force. Because it never works that way. In trying to be memorable, you wind up sounding unspeakably queer, which may be remembered, but never the way you'd hoped. My brother had spent his life saving me from such moments, and now he would do it again.
A light rain began to fall, and just as I cleared my throat, Venus squatted in the grass, producing a mound of peanut-sized turds.
"Aren't you going to clean that up?" I asked.
Paul pointed to the ground and whistled for the Great Dane, who thundered across the lawn and ate the feces in one bite.
"Tell me that was an accident." I said.
"Accident, hell. I got this motherfucker trained," he said.
"Sometimes he'll stick his nose to her ass and just eat that shit on tap."
I thought of my brother standing in his backyard training a dog to eat shit and realized I'll probably continue thinking about it until the day I die. Forget the tears and brotherly speeches, this was the stuff that memories are made of.
link via fimoculous
every day now i wake up and say i better start packing but so far nothing's gone in a box. i haven't rented a u-haul truck, either, and i only found an apartment a couple of days ago.
a few nights ago while i was out with mike and a friend i stopped into crazy philadelphia eddie's and got my local tattoo. it's a pretzel, administered by one prof. ouch, who is a very beautiful man. mike held out for the liberty bell until the very end, but i stood firm.
tomorrow i gotta start packing things in at the office. i've only got a few days left working in newtown square, i will be away at training the rest of the time until i leave. and i still have things to accomplish before i go. i have a lot of stress about doing a really good job since i want to keep working with this company after i go to school. and i don't have a replacement yet so i can't even explain it to anyone. please don't let me lose my mind.
and i still can't believe i am leaving my dog behind with a man who can't wake up before ten a.m.
Posted by ash at 10:34 PMpersonal communication has changed since just a few years ago, and not all for the better. just before our vacation mike and i got new phones, and the cool thing about mike's was that it was AIM enabled. cool, right? i thought so at first...it seemed like the phone might keep him from wanting to run into the hotel every couple of hours to jump on the computer. instead, the trip we planned to commemorate six year of blissful rommateship was ruined by mike never looking up from the goddamned phone. conversation? forget it. we'd start one and "beep! beep!" a message. and once you have a message, you know you have to check it. it just became extremely intrusive. at least with a computer you can get up and walk away. the phone is there all the time.
of course, it does have an on/off button. mike just hasn't learned to use it yet.
addendum: ok, ruined is a harsh word. ruined is the word i was using right when we got home. we had a lot of fun. i was just angry at the time.
Posted by ash at 12:33 AMwrapping up a deadly week at work, trying to get materials out to print for the next training wave before i leave for new york city tonight. i am going for a small conference with some other objectivists i know. i am excited because i am staying at the W New York and i have always wanted to stay at one of the W hotels there. it is important to me that i am surrounded by beautiful things, especially in a city like new york. at the conference i am speaking about the defiance of "the ordinary", and what place on earth better suited to such a topic?
That particular sense of sacred rapture men say they experience in contemplating nature- I've never received it from nature, only from...buildings, skyscrapers. I would give the greatest sunset in the world for one sight of New York's skyline. Particularly when one can't see the details. Just the shapes. The shapes and the thought that made them. The sky over New York and the will of man made visible. What other religion do we need? And then people tell me about pilgrimages to some dank pest-hole in a jungle where they go to do homage to a crumbling temple, to a leering stone monster with a pot belly, created by some leprous savage. Is it beauty and genius they want to see? Do they seek a sense of the sublime? Let them come to New York, stand on the shore of the Hudson, look and kneel. When I see the city from my window - no, I don't feel how small I am - but I feel that if a war came to threaten this, I would like to throw myself into space, over the city, and protect these buildings with my body.
Ayn Rand--The Fountainhead
there's a funny rumour going around the web that mike is 30 today, but someone has been dishing out some bad scoop. happy 31st, you weirdo. being in the next age bracket is cool. you're my hero. stop lying to people about your age.
Posted by ash at 11:26 AMmike and i made it home late saturday night, after motoring through georgia, south carolina, north carolina, virgina, maryland, and delaware to get home to philly. we spent the night in myrtle beach, sc, where we kept up our theme of animals/naked chicks at the crazy horse. we never pass up a fireworks stand or south of the border, and we didn't make an exception this time. we even threw in a stop at a "13 Foot Alligator and Boiled Peanuts!" place. for one last thrill we stopped to see a torpedo factory turned art gallery in alexandria, va, but we were too tired to get much out of it. we hung out at an irish festival for a while before heading for the house. had to wait until sunday morning to get moose home! then went out and left him alone all day. we are such jerks.
now i'm back in the office trying to get some materials prepared for the next training cycle, except none of the materials came in while i was on vacation. so i am cleaning up my cubicle for the next trainer. am i really leaving?
p.s. the car is a dream! it can out-hoopty even my old hoopty.
Posted by ash at 12:44 PMafter the outer layers of skin burned through, we did eventually leave the pool area of disney world. we went into consumer frenzy at downtown disney - suddenly it felt very necessary to find a gift for each and every person i knew. and on monday, my favorite part of the empire: EPCOT. oh, yes, it's as fabulous as ever.
headed onward to daytona beach. just needed some cheesy to balance out our wholesome family-style vacation. and man, did we score. right on our way into town we saw the mother of all strip clubs. how can you say no to a place advertising "LIVE SHARKS" and "GIRLS XXX GIRLS" on the same sign? well, i'll tell you: you can't. you haven't lived until you have been to the shark lounge.
we progressed considerably along the road to skin cancer in daytona before heading out this evening for myrtle beach. we arrived midnight-ish. and here we are. tomorrow we will do some research into the comparative strength of the sun here before heading into our old stomping grounds of chapel hill.
tried to talk to fraser while en route and had a bad signal. i wish i was around to see you leave old london, mister kennedy. you are a better man for having been there.
Posted by ash at 02:22 AM