i have been having trouble sleeping again. i used to have trouble sleeping, and then i began to be properly medicated, and while my sleep was not entirely restful, it was long and i knew that it would come as soon as i laid down. now even with the pills i have been watching the clock hours into the night again, stroking the bedclothes with my feet, looking for the cold spot on the pillow. when i do sleep my dreams are chaotic, frightening. or i will think i am having a nightmare and then realise i am still awake, mind racing.

lovely! i was just checking to see what countries the united states has working holidaymaker agreements with. um, none. right, i forgot - living in america is stimulating enough. why travel outside of this country? there's nothing else to see, we've reproduced it all in the World Showcase at Disney World, only cleaner and closer to an outlet mall.

oops, i should watch out, now that the USA PATRIOT act has been passed, the government can read this and use it against me, i suppose i should watch what i say.

the guy next door has been vomiting loudly for the past hour or so. i wonder if simon has sent his flatmate over to terrorize me. at least i won't be expected to clean up after him.

and the slamming! *why* must people in hotels always enter their rooms so emphatically? honestly, it's as if they are trying to provoke a verbal assault. more than once i have stood just inside my door, hand on the knob, waiting for the NEXT bang to push me over the edge...

but then i have been accused of being a little tightly wound. and too loosely, as well. there's just no telling, with me, really.

while reading my blog, i noticed it was sadly lacking in recent content. my apologies. besides being Very Busy lately, my computer is also going through some issues. i am trying to read a lot while it works through some things. good news, though - in the past two weeks i have read:

1. white oleander by janet fitch (okay)
2. the stanislaski sisters by nora roberts (ugh - someone gave it to me in the airport)
3. the language instinct by steven pinker (v. interesting if you love language - and who doesn't!?)
4. all families are psychotic by douglas coupland (fast read, not as great as his other stuff but still better than most)
5. sexual personae by camille paglia (interesting, thoughtful, taken in small bites)
6. franny and zooey by j.d. salinger (makes me cry in hotel rooms late at night)
7. hearts in atlantis by stephen king (blah)
8. the god of small things by arundhati roy (beautiful, elegant story)

but anyway, i have some fabulous news: for my christmas holiday, i'm going to london, obviously - but so is mike! *AND* so are my brother and his wife! we are having super-holiday! hopefully i won't live to regret my enthusiasm for planning such things. no, it'll be fun, it will. really.

for thanksgiving we drove up to boston to visit our families - his parents, my grandmother/extended family. spent 8 hours driving because we decided that with all the security bullshit now flying is a hassle, besides we wanted to take the dog. also, it's supposed to only take 6 hours to drive. ok, so it was a bad decision. we won't do it again. flying isn't a hassle at all. ugh.

more later. too tired now.

was in san antonio last week. had dinner at paesano's on the riverwalk on the evening of my 28th birthday. it wasn't exactly sunny and warm, as i had hoped it would be, but it was murky and mysterious. i stayed just across the river from a very old building with gargoyles on the front, and as it rained the water poured out through their mouths. all through the night i could see other sleepless souls sitting at their windows watching the storm. i always wish there was a way to communicate. in college we wrote our phone numbers on the window. guess you can't very well do that in a hotel. or maybe you can. maybe i will try it.

last night mike and i set our alarms to wake up at 4:30am to watch the meteor shower. i never, in a million years, thought we would actually wake up. mind you, we are always full of great ideas, good intentions, but to be honest, we are both on the lazy side - and not a little bit, either. much closer and we would slip into a coma. my flight had arrived home late, though, and on the way home we saw a falling star. it was very bright, and mike got excited about the meteor shower. at home, we looked it up on the internet: "best chance to view it in this century"- maybe even our whole lifetime. we saw estimates that said we might even see a meteor every second. our neighbors were having meteor viewing parties. also, and this is not inconsequential - my luggage had been "delayed," and we were expecting it to be delivered anytime between midnight and 5am - the airline refused to give any more specific time or to hold it for any more convenient delivery. so, we set the alarm for 4:30am and decided to watch the meteor shower.

watch we did. threw down a sleeping bag in the back yard, laid in the grass, and watched the meteors. one per second may have been a bit generous, but they were coming fast and furious. we were not in the darkest area, so we missed the smaller ones, but still the most thrilling astronomical display i've ever seen. but more than that, it was fun. shivering out in the cold, laying on our backs in the grass, squinting past street lights to see a flashing meteor. it was worth the lost sleep.

this is the linkless blog. i am too tired to link to anything. you all have google. besides, i know you never click them anyways. bastards.

spreading the confusion internationally.

just when it seemed like things couldn't possibly get any worse for american airlines, an advertisement on cbs just now proves otherwise: "tonight's presentation of the michael jackson 30th anniversary special is brought to you by american airlines." this was a debacle of tremendous proportions which the struggling airline and a shell-shocked public may not soon overcome.

my head hurts too, coming off a second consecutive worknight binge drinking episode. visitors are in town, and work is paying for alcohol, red meat, and waterfront views. oh, the fabulous excess.