Real News!

ok, now i have some news!

last friday, i went to sam's club to buy some crap in bulk, and they told me my membership was revoked! revoked by my own mother. see, i only shop at sam's club because i have been riding free on my mom's account for the past ten years. and then one day i go and i'm revoked.

which really would have been enough to convince me to stop shopping at sam's club altogether, except that i had just invested an hour there filling up my shopping cart with shit that i absolutely had to have once it was in there. except the combo vcr/dvd player... i put that back. so once i heard about the revocation there was nothing for me to do except buy my own membership on the spot. so i suggested this, and they said i had to walk over and get my picture taken. so i did, and i think while i was standing there i left my cell phone on the counter. and then a minute later i was looking for it to call and mom and ask her WTF, but i couldn't find it. and indeed, it was lost forever.

so i went to t-mobile, where i was told that i was perfectly welcome to purchase a new phone at my own expense. so of course, i found the most expensive one in the store and now i can record videos on my phone which i'm sure will come in mighty handy.

and, at this point, i can't call anyone because the phone number of every person i know is on my lost phone. and so i sit home all weekend alone.

the story continues on monday. i was out doing fitness things in the dark at 9pm (to explain this would take much more space) and i tripped and fell. and now i have a broken leg. yes, that's right, if you have been reading this blog forever you will recall from the dark past a photo of my cast-enclosed leg. well, this time it's the right side, so i am having trouble even driving.

so i am laying on the ground crying, with the jagged edges of my shattered bones rubbing together (ok, i made that up) and having a phone empty and devoid of the numbers of any friend or acquaintance that might come to my assistance. i felt completely and utterly alone in this world.

Wednesday 22-Sep-04

Holy Shit!
I can tell that you're pretty riled about your Mum killing off your Sam's Club membership. To give it top billing over a broken friggin leg is a sure sign it annoyed the bejesus out of you. (or you simply crafted the post for best effect, which is probably more correct.)
Um, get your bone density checked. You never drank enough milk./nag
Take care of yourself, clumsy. :-)

posted by: Fraser on Thursday 23-Sep-04

The same thing happened to me a month or so ago at Sam's. I was equally dismayed. I was especially bothered by how they told me that I couldn't renew it, but would have to get a new one entirely. After ten minutes of telling all this shit, they tell me the new on is like $30. I laugh and take my picture. Worst thing is, I haven't even been back yet. Damn them and their new member pushing selves. I have half a mind to buy items in a quantity that I can actually use from now on.

posted by: jon michael on Friday 24-Sep-04

i've never broken my legs before.

posted by: rakesh on Friday 24-Sep-04

I have my package from you. We can begin on Monday.

posted by: jon on Friday 01-Oct-04

Are you on pace? 3 pages for day 1?

posted by: jon on Monday 04-Oct-04

Funny stuff - Not the breaking your leg part, the way you tell about it part. Found your link while checking out Wonkette and saw your disclaimer that you're not her (or it, or whatever). Hope you're leg heals well. At least you can take a bunch of pictures of it with your new phone (huh?). Be Well.

posted by: scubaduck on Monday 04-Oct-04