Rain, Rain, Go Away

you always say you want a simple life
you and me both know that you are a liar.
you always say you want a simple life
hearing you talk just makes me tired.
everclear - my sexual life

it's raining again today. the rain has been falling since april. it fell all through may. now june is four days in. i don't usually think my moods move with the weather, they are tied to other things, to what is in my head, in my heart, in my blood. but i am starting to feel a confluence of internal and external, of biology and environment. while my mood was stepping into manic during the spring, dark clouds were gathering overhead. the days were bleak, but inside i was more like crashing thunder - raging, potent, blinding. and then i began to be afraid, because this is usually the time when i decide to leave someone, marry someone, quit something, or start something new. none of which has ever really been the right decision, in clearer-headed retrospect. so for once, i did the right thing. now, with pharmaceuticals surging through my bloodstream, i notice the rain more. and feel a little tired.

Wednesday 04-Jun-03