Never Force a Moment

david sedaris makes me laugh. he makes me laugh on npr, he makes me laugh in person, and his books make me laugh. his sister amy made me laugh on strangers with candy. and his brother rooster is a redneck like mine. this month in esquire, david tells a story that makes me almost glad i wasn't at my brother's wedding, because like him, i am a person who is forever in pursuit of *moments* with people i love. something equally tragic could have happened to me.

AT 1:00 A.M., the room rental ended and plans were made to move the reception on to the beach. Kathy changed out of her gown while Paul and I took the dogs for a quick walk across the front lawn of the Atlantis. For the first time since the wedding, we were alone, and I wanted to force a moment out of it. The operative word here, the source of the problem, is force. Because it never works that way. In trying to be memorable, you wind up sounding unspeakably queer, which may be remembered, but never the way you'd hoped. My brother had spent his life saving me from such moments, and now he would do it again.

A light rain began to fall, and just as I cleared my throat, Venus squatted in the grass, producing a mound of peanut-sized turds.

"Aren't you going to clean that up?" I asked.

Paul pointed to the ground and whistled for the Great Dane, who thundered across the lawn and ate the feces in one bite.

"Tell me that was an accident." I said.

"Accident, hell. I got this motherfucker trained," he said.

"Sometimes he'll stick his nose to her ass and just eat that shit on tap."

I thought of my brother standing in his backyard training a dog to eat shit and realized I'll probably continue thinking about it until the day I die. Forget the tears and brotherly speeches, this was the stuff that memories are made of.

link via fimoculous

Wednesday 21-Aug-02

That is awesome. And I don't mind you calling me a redneck. I am writing a book about it, honestly.

posted by: jon on Thursday 22-Aug-02

One more thing, "Me talk pretty someday" was a good read for about 3/4ths of it. It was my first taste of Sedaris. If you haven't read it sis, I would be happy to send it on to you.

posted by: jon on Thursday 22-Aug-02

i have certainly read it. i can't believe you have, to be honest. maybe you aren't a redneck, after all.

posted by: ash on Thursday 22-Aug-02

Let us clarify a few things: 1. I have read every novel ever written by Ayn Rand 2. I have heard of comedians besides Jeff Foxworthy 3. I am still a redneck at heart. Some tings you can never escape I guess. Should I send you a little excerpt form what I am writing?

posted by: jon on Thursday 22-Aug-02

And maybe some typos while I am at it?

posted by: jon on Thursday 22-Aug-02

as long as you have a spellcheck on your cmoputre i guess you can still express some intelligent thoughts on there.

posted by: ash on Friday 23-Aug-02

I liked Naked better. The last story, um, "Naked" is just so hilarious.

posted by: francis s. on Tuesday 03-Sep-02

posted by: texas hold em poker on Tuesday 21-Sep-04