on the eve of my

on the eve of my holiday, well fraser's holiday, but a holiday's a holiday - anyway - have absolutely blown my budget to hell spending hundreds - many hundreds - of dollars on pet care this weekend.

first, the mystery of the itching hound. poor moose has been scratching for months. it seemed like a while, but when mike and i took him to the vet she confirmed that it had been since may. thank god his regular vet - "dr. longhair" - was out on holiday and we saw some other vet who seemed to have some clues. we described the *exact same set* of symptoms we did in may (which, i might add, got diagnosed as allergies then, along with the not-so-subtle implication that i was an overwrought mother), and she immediately said the word which strikes fear in the heart of all dog owners [insert fearful word]. it's like hearing you've got leprosy, or a wonky eye. "our dog's got mange? ugh!" immediately we tried to place the blame on the other bad parents at his daycare but then she asked if we had been taking him to marsh creek park.

*gulp* his favorite place to go boating. "yeh, a bit. yeh." exchange guilty glances.

the vet then informs us that our favorite haunt is a hotbed of scabies. louse city. mange paradise. great. our baby's hair is falling out and the fault lies squarely on our heads. an injection for moose, pills, oatmeal bathing soaps, and out of my wallet flies the first $200 of the weekend. but i'm only getting started.

back home, and to the scummy pond that is the new aquarium i've gotten a month or so ago. i've worked my doc wellfish chemistry set on it every three days, and the ph is balanced, the ammonia is perfect, and the nitrates are reading at zero. i've added bacteria to boost the life cycle, put in stresscoat to help the fish get all slimy, i'm not feeding them too much, i'm not changing the water too much, i've put in a plant to help them get oxygen, so what the hell is wrong with the freaking thing?? it's still all murky after a good month and a half. each time i go back to petsmart, or petco, or pets-r-us, they always seem to know just what the problem is, but after i've purchased another ten or twenty dollars worth of chemicals or bottom feeders or filters or what-have-you the fecking tank is still so dim i can't see whether the fish are even still swimming. and if i haven't mentioned it, i've had to replace my spotted corydorus more than once due to untimely demise. i'm not blaming the brown water - but i can't rule it out, either.

well, with company coming, i can't leave the thing rotting on my dresser, so i was determined to get to the root of the problem. first, i tried a new pet store: frazer zoo. the merchandise was a bit dusty, but the guy seemed to be genuinely into fish. scarily into fish. he said that i should IN NO WAY WORRY FOR I WAS NOT EVEN THROUGH ONE BIOLOGICAL CYCLE YET. he said it just like that, too. very seriously. then, he said that goldfish are filthy animals and that it was no wonder my tank was soiled. he seemed to think my problem was probably filtration. he seemed to be one of those pioneers who first saw a chainsaw and thought of putting a snowmobile motor on it. he said i should get a filter that could filter five or ten times as much water per hour as i had. ok, cool, this is a guy who can help me, i thought.

i charged through the shop, picking up new filtration equipment. more filters, cleaner tank! my shopping-justification mentality was in full effect. next, aeration. all the tanks in the store look cleaner cos the air is bubbling around a lot. yes, of course. bubbly airy water looks cleaner. plus, the dirt stirs around and can be filtered better. more air, cleaner tank! new aeration stuff in the buggy. next stop, new hood, new light. all the tanks in the store look cleaner cos they are all bright and shiny. right-o. tanks lit up like the surface of the sun look cleaner. plus, the plants, which clean the tank, will grow better with more light. new lights, cleaner tank! new lights in the buggy. now i am really getting warmed up. i was just able to go through the whole process with a tank heater before mike tried to stop me. "more heat, cleaner tank!" i shouted.

"maybe we better see how this stuff works before we get any other new stuff," he cautioned, quite reasonably, while positioning his body between myself and the heating equipment.

i threw a hundred watt bulb at his head, then charged him with the buggy and made my break for freedom, but he caught me just at the algae scraper centre. i got to leave with anything that was already in the cart.

once home, we assembled all the new technology, the fish seemed happy enough to see it. to be fair, they seemed happy enough to be swimming around in their own feces - the ones who've survived it, anyhow. honestly, the thanks i get.

Sunday 30-Sep-01